Denial

Yes, I'm in denial.
I am almost 39 weeks pregnant and I cannot believe I'm pregnant at all. I'm huge, I'm uncomfortable, this baby wiggles like mad, but I still cannot believe I'm going to be holding her in a very short time. It seems so surreal to me that there is a little human baby in my tummy, an eternal soul, sent to me by God to raise up for His glory. It just seems too, well...I don't know...just strange.

I don't remember feeling this way when I was pregnant with Savannah or Abby. I don't know why, I mean, with Savannah I had never had a baby EVER, but it was exciting and crazy and wonderful...but not this weird feeling that maybe I'm just crazy and am not actually GOING to be having a baby afterall. With Abby, same thing. I don't remember feeling this way at all. But when I was in the hospital with Luke and Aaron and now, I have this really strange feeling that maybe I'm imagining it all. It's strange because in reality I KNOW I'm pregnant. I KNOW I'm having a baby soon and I'm very excited and I love this baby and I'm looking forward to it...not to mention that nearly ALL of my thoughts and my language pretty much centers around baby and labor and contractions, etc. I know, I drive my dad and probably my husband (and perhaps EVERY other person I'm around) absolutely NUTS because there is not much more I can think of to talk about because it's on my mind SO much. Anyone who has EVER been pregnant knows what I'm talking about...these last few weeks or days or whatever they may be, it's hard to take your mind off of every little wiggle and tightening and twinge. You're waiting with everything you have for that moment when you KNOW that you're in labor and will be giving birth to that precious little bean who has completely taken over your body in the past 9 months.

I'm extra excited this time too because my girls are at the age now where they're really excited about it all as well. They were last time, but this time the whole labor thing has them excited. Every time I take a deep breath or sigh or stand and hold my tummy, Savannah will ask, "Are you okay? Are you having contractions?". It's really cute. I'm really looking forward to going into labor naturally...and I really hope that this will be the first baby to come BEFORE or VERY near her due date. Either way, within the next 3 weeks, I'll be holding a new little pink (as far as we know) bundle...a new little joy to learn about, to care for and to love. It's all so very exciting!