Sunday, April 25, 2010

A LOT going on.

As usual it's been forever. Lots has happened and I just don't have the time to go into details. We've been informed that we need to vacate our home ASAP, so we'll be moving in with my parents for the time being--until we can find out where we will be moving to. We have finally gotten orders and Jeremy is going to be stationed in the N. Bay again...YAY!! We're very excited about that. Since I'm due in June though, it doesn't make sense to uproot at this moment and we'll do one move into my parents house and then one after the baby arrives. Lots of stress, lots of inconvenience, lots of tears and frustration, but God will see us through.
I think I've realized that this whole being kicked out of my home thing has throw me into a mild depression. Of course I was stressed and overwhelmed, but yesterday I totally broke down with my husband again, feeling like a COMPLETE failure just because life is so hard with a part time husband, 3 homeschooled children and pregnancy to boot...but I realized that I have been a deadbeat mommy as of late. I haven't cooked a real meal in a while, hadn't really done much cleaning, and was super, super tired all the time....then I lost it and practically cried myself to sleep last night, I was feeling like everyone would be better off without me, blah, blah, blah...ya know, extreme self pity. Then it dawned on me. I'm depressed! I have a choice to make...either wallow in self pity or suck it up and do my best with what I've got. Today was SO much better!! I was up, made a nice homecooked, healthy breakfast. I had my girls all ready for church BEFORE breakfast (and breakfast BEFORE 11!), we went to church and spent some lovely time outside in the SUN (oh lovely, lovely SUN!). Then while Jeremy took Luke out for a little drive, I made a Mexican Fiesta!! Homemade refried beans, rice and tacos...with homemade salsa. My house is nice and clean this evening, everyone was in bed early...I'm feeling much, much better now!! We've got about 2.5 weeks until we move and yes, it's going to be stressful, but we have a goal and something to move toward which brings me so much more peace.
My pregnancy is going is very wiggly and I feel his little parts ALL over the place. I'm definitely losing steam. I'm very tired, having a really hard time sleeping and am generally uncomfortable. But what do you expect at 33 weeks pregnant? I'm getting a little anxiety at the thought of having another baby...the sleepless nights, lack of time to myself, but again, all it takes is a change in perspective. My children have been wonderful helpers and I have the next 7 or so weeks to train them on the right path so that when this one arrives, we're headed in the right direction. Again, it's a choice I have to effort I have to put out...and with the Lord's strength, it can be done. Jeremy is gone all week and then this weekend we're meeting in Novato for my baby shower! :) I'm very excited to see all of my friends and to really let the thought that I'm having a baby sink in! Maybe once I start opening presents and seeing those little blue outfits it'll seem more real! I am excited, I'm so excited to see how my children react to a baby brother. The hardest part for me is always how the "baby" is going to react to the new baby! I know it will be hard for Luke to not be my tiny guy anymore, but I also know he'll do great with it...he's such a sweetie pie and he's really getting SO big!

Well I need to head off to bed...after a strong dose of TUMS, that fiesta was tasty, but not the second time around! Ugghh...the wonderful things about pregnancy!

No comments: