I tend to have a bit of a negative mindset when things aren't going the way I would like them to be going...especially when my life doesn't seem to measure up to where I think it should be. Now is one of those times in my life. My time is extremely limited, my body is sore (due to pregnancy, but mostly due to a fall I took down the stairs the other day, landing directly on my tail bone--ouch!), and my baby is a bit of a pill. An extremely cute pill, but a pill nonetheless. I've had the thought more than once lately that my life is not going to be "normal" for a very long time...if I think it's hard now, wait until this next little bundle arrives...then it's just going to be straight CHAOS! I've caught myself thinking this and I've realized that I'm so wrong thinking this way. I've had to repent of my negative thinking and instead replace my complaints with praises for the blessings the Lord has bestowed on me. Yes, they're very time-consuming blessings, very TIRING blessings, but such wonderful blessings. I wouldn't trade the life I've been blessed with for anything, what I need is to have a change in perspective. Not only a change in perspective, but a change in the way I approach everything. I'm naturally a fairly lazy person. I like my comforts and my peace and my sleep. Yes, especially the sleep. HOWEVER, I'm realizing (yes, I know I'm quite slow) that the life I have doesn't necessarily match the lifestyle I'd enjoy at this point in time. Free, quiet time does not happen often. If I want that time, I have to get up *gasp* EARLY in the morning--which means I have to go to sleep earlier (I'm a night owl, so this is hard for me). I need to change my priorities, I need to change my perspective, I need to delegate work to my children (and not feel guilty for "overworking" the poor dears), and I need to come to a point of acceptance that my life may not be perfect, but it's perfect for me. It's been a very interesting journey, especially for a selfish, unorganized person, to learn to yield to the Lord, to follow His prompting and to fully realize what He means when He says, "My strength is made perfect in weakness." I understand intellectually what that means, but to have to surrender to that fact and to glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. (2 Cor 12:9)
So, as I said before, I'm an extremely stubborn, slow learner, but God's grace is sufficient for me...He is so good to me, so patient with me and such a gentle teacher, and thus I am learning how to rework my life in order to bring Him glory, to raise these blessed children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, to keep a clean, comfortable, God-honoring home, to be the wife my husband deserves and to do all this with a joyful heart. It sounds like an overwhelming if not impossible task, but I have learned from the examples of other wonderful, godly women that it is not only POSSIBLE, but what is required of me. I have to die to myself, to MY wants, to MY hopes and instead hold on tight to the Lord, the author and perfecter of my faith as He guides me through this crazy adventure. There will come a time in my life where I once again have "free" time, where I'm not constantly feeding, changing, wiping for cleaning up after someone...but for now, I praise God for the privilege and honor it is to raise these little gifts straight from heaven!
So, my task for today (between laundry and vacuuming, mopping and cookie baking) is to rework my schedule so it works for me and my family at this point in time...stay tuned.